Game Report 11-15-2011 By Robert Duncan

Mojo running on high octane game

Pre Game Molson hurts Northstar Mojo; Downed 2-1

The Northstars came into this one on a high, leading the league in wins and points to face a new opponent in Molson Mojo.  Thinking nothing spectacular of their new foe, the Northstars were very nonchalant in the warm up skate possibly due to parking lot wobbly pops in order to fullful the request of the oppositions name. The Northstars were unaware that they were about to be shot down by the performance of a bunch of sandbaggers.

From the drop of the puck, the Mojo came out firing game on all cylinders.  And I am talking some high octane game.  They were controlling the puck in the Northstar's end with ease, sending it back to point and firing at will on goaltender Mike “Like a Rock” Newman.  It was obvious from the start that this team was a advanced and knew there way around the ovalries, however as tough as they were it was evident that they were in for one hell of a fight if they thought they could pull a fast one on the Northstars.

After about 20 shots on goal and Newman owning every one of them, the Mojo were finally able to put one past the red line and take the lead 1-0.  Not deterred from a fight the Northstars were back on their game, dump and chase style.  For his second straight game, Brian “Head Fake” Lauzon picked up a hard earned assist battling the puck to the blue line for fellow teammate Evan “Chocolate Bum” Bonsell.  Evan with cheeks clenched, sent the disk  on goal and the newly acquired centerman Jeff “I’m sexy and I know it” Morris slammed it home.  The team erupts in a celestial celebration of high fives and praise while the Mojo can only look on in amazement.
 

Unfortunately the celebration was short lived as the Mojo were quick to take control of the game taking shots from all angles.  Luckily we had some fearless D and a red hot goaltender backstopping us or the game could have easily got out of control. 

With the Mojo unable to release frustration, started handing the puck off to some of their more skilled players.  Number 12 and 17, Robert Gartley and Matt Hontscharuk, who have clearly played junior at some point, kicked it into high gear and started to put the pressure on.  High praises once again to the hard working forwards, level headed defencemen, and rock solid goaltending as the team I can’t remember needed another 30 shots on net before taking the lead 2-1 with less than half of the third to play.
 

The Northstars knowing they had to dig deep, put their game faces on fought back in the last few mintues.  Rob “Pass me the puck” Duncan drew but also took a terrible penalty taking a page out of Seb “Hockey is an extension of soccer” de Kloet’s book and taking a dive like he had been shot with a canon.  Ref gave the offender 2 minutes for interference and Rob only a 7.5 for forgetting to point his toes.  After this Duncan clearly realised he needs to stop trying to be Seb de Kloet as the leading scorer has yet to take a diving penalty due to his extensive Soccer experience and lessons in falling. Duncan further vowed that if he was going to stop being like de Kloet he also needed to stop trying to pick up every friend that Seb brings out to party.  

Moving on, the Northstars' powerplay struggled to get some chemistry going as they gave up a breakaway that was stopped easily by Newman.  Rob antagonizing their opposition again drew another well deserved penalty as the ref caught the retaliator.  Now with a 6 on 3 the Northstars pressed on but were once again unable to make anything happen.  As the buzzer goes the Northstars fall 2-1, with the real losers getting bumped up a division.

Star of the game : Mike Newman

Game Report 11-08-2011 By Robert "Friends Zone" Duncan

Duncan’s Spunk Invigorates Northstars

 
NorthStars Waltz Past Flying Acers 5-3

It was a week of "less is more" for the Northstars as they dressed 10 skaters and the teams leading scorer called up to watch the Leafs play from the press box, the Northstars had to look deep and bend over backwards to find some game.  And game is what they found.  The scoring started with Duncan blasting out of the gates in true Northstars fashion as there were obviously some hungry eyes in the stands on this occasion.  Duncan streaked down the wing impressing the opposing bench with his form as he blew past the defenders.  With his head down paying no attention to how wide open his teammates were, he attempted a wrap around but instead circled high inside the circle and let loose a mighty wrister, using the strongest part of his body to stun the Acers goalie.  With the goalie down and out and the puck sitting on the goal line, Steven “I score on rebounds” Klein jumped all over Rob’s remains like an aardvark on an anthill, 1-0 Northstars.

The Acers did show some spunk of their own tying the game shortly after however they were no match for the quick passes and intimidating forecheck of the Northstars.  With the puck dumped into the corner Adrienne “I’m a pimp - smack you” Foster slamed into her man with the force of Lexington Steele running down Belladonna's wide hallway.  Foster jars the puck loose to the ever crafty Brian “I’m getting some tonight” Lauzon who dishes it off to Nicholas "My shot is harder than yours" Konkin who unloads a howitzer of a shot surprising even himself to regain the lead.

Brian “I knew I could do it” Lauzon was next on the list banging in a rebound from close range and celebrating old school Selanne style by throwing his glove into the air and shooting it down with his stick.  Cannot recall if that last bit actually happened, but it sounded really awesome.

Goal of the night definitely goes to Greg “I work harder than everyone else” Chandler.  With Foster working some patented dirty work in the corner, she gets the puck to Konkin on the blueline who spots Chandler in the slot.  Konkin’s slap pass was majestically deflected by Chandler top shelf.  Oohs and Aahs come from all around as Chandler explodes into his game celebration. 

To seal the deal with the Peter Northstars seal of approval Rob “I finally got one” Duncan benefactor of some beautiful passing by Chandler and Rob "the Fridge" Jeffrey, stumbled his way passed the blue line only to fan on his shot but somehow squeak it by the Acers beleaguered tender.  It was as if the hockey gods had said, “Let’s just give this poor soul one for trying so hard”.  Nothing spectacular about the goal, but for his celebration he rode his stick all the way back to the bench.  Once again, no photo footage to back up that last comment.    

The Acers did make a game of it scoring two more goals to make the game 5-3, but the stellar play of Mike “Fuck your couch” Newman was the standout performance of the second half of the third period.  In the end the Stars emerge victorious as their game was far superior to that of the Acers.

Game Report 11-01-2011

'Konkin Facial Only Angers Hogs

Northstars Blow lead; Fall 3-1 to Hogtown Chiefs

The stage was set for a much anticipated clash of industry leading Peter NorthStars and long time rival Hogtown Chiefs who were hoping to take the lead from behind.  The Chiefs and Northstars met in a back and forth battle that saw a dominating win from both sides in the preseason (Summer). 

The game started at a blistering pace with no room for foreplay as Sebastian de Kloet beat chippy Chief centre Karl Steyrer to the puck and went streaking through the neutral zone like a plane on a well groomed runway.  In defence, Steyrer started tapping his shaft on the wrists of an undeterred de Kloet before realising the only option to stop de Kloet from tieing him for the league lead in scoring would be to turn his blade over and use the tip to slash de Kloet into submission; Steyrer to the box for two minutes or less, a time frame he was all to familiar with.

The powerplay for the Northstars was way short of lackluster on this occasion and shortly after the Chief penalty had expired Stars defenseman Dan Sabourin would also sit for two after a weak holding the stick call was made by a referee that may have been under the influence of gasoline fumes coming from the Chief bench.  Jeremy Blustein called up from the Peter NorthStar farm team, The Buke Hockey Club, showed his speed as he stole the land, I mean puck, from a Chief defender, crossed both bluelines before undressing Goaltender George Alexandeer and leaving him wanting no more on his back in the blue paint.

In the Second Period both Karl Steyrer and Kerry Grenke tallied on goals that no one really remembers due to events that happened in the third and after the game. 

The final frame was set to begin with a frustrated side wondering why they were not getting any calls going there way against an overly intense Hogtown Chief side.  From what I hear there are some babes in Hogtown.  Anyways, the period was underway with Chief forward Mike Venedam in the box due to an undisciplined four minute cross checking penalty.  In an embarrassing 4 minute drilling, the Northstars weren't able to put even one thrust on goal as the Chiefs kept control of the puck in their own end due to an abnormally large gap between forwards and defenders that rivalled Bella Donna's teeth. 

As frustration began to boil over, Stars defenseman Nick Konkin tried to get back at Chiefs forward Steyrer, who had taken a yet another penalty, this time for goaltender interference.  Although Steyrer complained at the call, the NorthStars bench snickered as deep down they all knew that he was doing it on purpose as this was the only box he had seen in quite some time.  Konkin's retaliatory measure coupled by some smack talk could have seen him in the box for four minutes but instead it was simply two for unsportsmanlike facial.  In Konkin's defense the goalie Alexandeer was better off with this cooling tactic than if the speedster Konkin, had pulled a Luis Mendoza that would have seen Alexandeer stuck in the net with a two hundred pound Konkin on top of him.  Unfortunately this penalty led to the 3-1 game sealing goal by Ron Dekker who let a blistering snap shot go from the middle of the circles, off the post and in.

As the final whistle blew so did Northstar frustration, especially in the weekly post game meeting that saw Robert Duncan, in need of a pick me up or maybe a slump buster, take out his frustration on an unsuspecting Adrienne Foster.  The shocking event has resulted in Duncan being sentenced to bringing team beers for the rest of the season.  May I also point out for the record that Foster has one point then Duncan this season.

Next Game November 8th at 8:20 pm on Rinx 1.



Game Report 10-25-2011